Discipline for Smart People    

The site is referred to as “for smart people” because this type of person understands that no one can coerce another person into changing one’s mind and that the most effective approach for changing behavior is to induce the person to influence himself.

This approach has two fundamental characteristics. The first is that stress—oftentimes associated with discipline—is significantly reduced. The second is that external manipulators, such as rewards for appropriate behavior, are not used because they are counterproductive to promoting responsibility. Similarly, threats and punishments are not imposed. Punishments, be they referred to as “logical” or “natural,” are based on the theory that the person needs to be harmed to be taught, to be hurt in order to learn. Most people would prefer not to punish someone they care about, but they simply do not know how discipline without the use of punishments. The site shows how to promote responsible behavior by using 21st century approaches espoused by such authorities as Stephen Covey, W. Edwards Deming, and William Glasser.

I hope that you will enjoy “Discipline for Smart People” as I share ideas of how to promote responsibility, promote learning, increase effectiveness, and improve relationships.

Please see the “Topics” on the right side bar for the categories of my posts.

For a more complete understanding, free and valuable information, and a free subscription to my monthly newsletter, please visit my home site.

Marv Marshall

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Posted In: About this Site On: September 12, 2007: 3:46 pm: By Marvin Marshall

I received the following e-mail and am sharing it with you in hopes that you may be as successful as this teacher and parent reported.

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When my elementary school first implemented the Raise Responsibility System, I was somewhat apprehensive about how such a program would work in my classroom. I have always felt that I created a positive learning environment in my class and, frankly, this system seemed like just one more passing fad to add to our classroom management file.

However, after reading Dr. Marshall’s book, “Discipline Without Stress, Punishments or Rewards,” I realized that if I was going to use this in my classroom, I should try it at home first.

As a mother of two teenagers, creating an environment that was stress-free really appealed to me. I talked to my children about how stressful things had been at home and shared with them a little bit about the program that I was “trying out” on them. Later that day, I heard my daughter slamming doors and screaming at the top of her lungs at her brother.

Before, I would have stormed in to intervene and quickly reacted to the situation without even thinking. Instead, I calmly began using such questions as: “Is what you are doing something that is beneficial?” My daughter stopped and looked at me and said, “Oh, this is that discipline thing you are using at school, right? Okay, so, no! No, it is not.” I asked, “Is what you are doing something that falls in line with the standards of our family?” She sighed, “No.” I said, “Would you tell me what our family rule is regarding yelling.” She relayed to me that yelling was not allowed and that if we had anything to say we could say it in a calm manner. Finally, I said, “Well, what do you think we should do about this?”

I told her to go to her room and reflect on what we should do about what had happened between her and her brother. A little while later, she came back in and asked to talk to her brother. She apologized for yelling at him and proceeded to give us a list of consequences that she had decided on. “I guess I should not use the computer for three weeks, or talk on the phone, or go to the movies with my friends,” she began the list. We were stunned!

Honestly, this was the first time that she had really accepted responsibility for something so calmly. The next three weeks were very interesting. She answered the phone and we could hear her explain, “I can’t talk on the phone right now because my parents . . . I mean, I have restricted myself.”

Since using this in our home, life seems so much more enjoyable. The truth is that our children do know what is expected of them. Holding them to a higher level of responsibility has made all of our lives more peaceful. Thank you.
—Wendi Hall, Vestavia Hills, Alabama

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Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: September 5, 2008: 7:54 am: By Marvin Marshall

Dear Marv,

I had the opportunity to know about your book Discipline without Stress, Punishments or Rewards through some of your articles and your interesting monthly newsletter.

What I really want is to purchase a copy of your book so that I can read it thoroughly and understand your approach more practically. But due to the current difficult situation in Iraq, we still have some complicated procedures in sending money abroad, and that’s why I would like to ask you a favor, which is kindly inform me of a bookshop address in Jordan or Syria where your book is carried.

I have been in teaching for 35 years. Your approach is a big wide step forward in the field of education, especially for teachers and parents. It aims to reducing their daily stress, which I believe is the cause behind many diseases teachers are suffering nowadays, such as diabetes and hypertension because of the wrong approach they were implementing to discipline their classes.

I am a research member in the Directorate of Educational Research and Planning, one of the educational departments of the Ministry of Education in Iraq. Your book and your other publications will surely help me and my colleagues in our job.

Hike Samuel Artin
Al Ghadeer
Baghdad, Iraq

———–

I fulfilled the request by sending the book to the American Embassy in Baghdad.

If you would like to share an experience with educators in Iraq, you can e-mail your communication to hiketeacher@yahoo.com.

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Posted In: Discipline without Stress On: September 4, 2008: 7:38 am: By Marvin Marshall

An understanding of mind-body connection is essential for reducing stress and influencing others. Thoughts have direct and powerful connections to all sorts of physiological functions. Think hard enough about jumping out of an airplane, and your heart will start to race and your palms to sweat.

Perhaps the most dramatic and best-known case was described by Norman Cousins in his “Anatomy of an Illness As Perceived by the Patient.” While I was re-organizing my library, I came across his description of his experience in the May 28, 1977 issue of The Saturday Review (pp. 4-6, 48-51).

Cousins came down with a serious collagen illness, a disease of the body’s connective tissues. One result of the disease is the reduction of functioning of the adrenal glands. Cousins theorized that if he could have these glands function normally, his illness could be cured. “If negative emotions produce negative chemical changes in the body, wouldn’t positive emotions produce positive chemical changes?” (p.6). He began a program where part of it called for the full exercise of the affirmative emotions as a factor in enhancing body chemistry. He employed a psychological approach to the ancient theory that laughter is good medicine. Using a variety of sources, Cousins actuated laughter in his body. He regained his health, returned to his position as editor of the magazine, and even began teaching at the School of Medicine at the University of California at Los Angeles (UCLA).

The second chapter of my book alludes to this same concept of the interaction between the mind and the body. For example, if a teacher views a disruptive student’s behavior as a deliberate attempt to disrupt the class, the teacher may view coercive corrective action to be necessary. In the process, however, the teacher unwittingly prompts stress in the body—in addition to pushing the relationship apart, rather than bringing it closer.

In contrast, if the teacher perceives that the student’s behavior is his or her best attempt to solve a frustration or problem, then the teacher views the situation as an opportunity to help the student help him/herself.

The first approach naturally engenders stress (more accurately, “distress”). The second starts with  a psychological perspective that motivates in a positive and beneficial manner. The approach, Discipline Without Stress, assists the student and brings joy to the teacher (and/orparent).

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Posted In: Discipline without Stress On: September 3, 2008: 1:41 pm: By Marvin Marshall

Principals who desire to improve their schools, and teachers who want to improve their students’ academic achievements, need to keep in mind what psychologist Abraham Maslow conveyed years ago, viz., People must FEEL cared for and cared about BEFORE they will take risks necessary to achieve.

Students too often receive messages in the form of words, gestures, actions, and bulletin board postings of achievements that convey to them that they must achieve well in order to be thought of as worthy.

Too many educators fail to realize that, with so many students, the foundation of success rests in human relations. This is especially the case with young students and students in poverty—where relationships are their most prized possessions.

At one of our block parties, I was speaking with Jeanette, a neighbor who teaches second grade in Cerritos, California. Jeanette related to me how she always finds some positive and empowering comment to give her students. Every student believes he or she is special to the teacher. Every student feels cared about. No wonder her students love their teacher—and why she loves to teach!

Using the three principles to practice of the DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS TEACHING MODEL is very effective in creating such relationships.

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Posted In: About this Site On: September 2, 2008: 8:28 am: By Marvin Marshall

Will what I am about to do or say bring me closer
or will it push me away farther from the person with whom I am communicating?

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Posted In: Improving Relationships On: September 1, 2008: 7:22 am: By Marvin Marshall

Sometimes what we want others to do so focuses our attention that our actions become counterproductive.

You will find this worth reading to truly understand the significance of this truth. It is from a post on the Mailring.

———–

Hello, everybody. I feel a little frustrated and would like some words of wisdom or support.

INCIDENT #1:
I was pleased to be asked to speak to a group of new teachers on the nature of motivation. I printed out an article by Marvin Marshall and articles by Ryan and Deci. My principal has been impressed and intrigued by my philosophy and approach, which he sees as successful.

The very next day there was a Veteran’s Day assembly for the entire school. In between musical numbers, the principal would call on kids to answer questions, such as which are the branches of the military? At the next interlude, he would ask who remembered whatever he had asked before. When a child answered his question correctly, he made a big deal out of sending the student across the gym to an assistant who was holding a big bag of candy. My heart sank. I felt like my whole talk was completely invalidated in front of all those new teachers who had heard me the day before.

INCIDENT #2:
I have had many conversations with our school counselor about Discipline Without Stress and its applications in my classroom. She admires my approach and more than once has said that I should do staff development for the whole school. (She’s also recommended this to the administration.) She said she considers me the behavior expert at the school—not herself. Well, she pulled me into her office on Thursday and said she and the principal are excited about a new plan they’re putting together. She held up a “positive behavior card” which they want the children to wear around their necks on a lanyard. The teachers would carry around a hole puncher, and when we have “caught them being good,” we would punch a hole in the card.

After 10 punches, they would get a prize, and they would also get to take the card home to show their parents how well they were doing.

This counselor is very sweet, very sensitive, and one of my biggest supporters, so I did not want to hurt her feelings. I said, “Well, you are right; it’s not my kind of thing.” She said, “But there are lots and lots of research that proves that some kids need this kind of thing!” I said, “Yes, and there is research on the opposite side, too.”

Then I said, “Look, you already know my philosophy and how I feel about this kind of thing. I don’t expect anyone else to adopt my views. I’m not criticizing you if you want to do this, but I just don’t want to have to do it.” She said the principal wants everyone to do the same thing, so the kids wouldn’t be “confused” by different things each school year.

I countered that kids naturally learn multiple sets of rules/procedures, e.g., at mom’s house versus dad’s house, parents’ house vs. grandparents’ house, Sunday school vs. baseball practice—and that no matter how people try to standardize procedures and practices, all teachers are different and children always have to learn their different teaching styles, personalities, etc.—which they have no trouble doing.

Nevertheless, later that day we received a note in our boxes asking for our classroom rules, consequences and “rewards.” She and the principal plan to cull through what we report and make ONE system for us all to consistently follow. I typed up a three-page single-spaced reply explaining my philosophy and procedures.

A lot of this is driven by the fact that our state department of education is promoting “Positive Behavior Support,” a method originally designed to deal with the most difficult special education students. It is straight-out behavior modification stuff. The hole-punched card is a perfect example. And since this has Department of Public Instruction approval, it must be right!

So the irony is, that even though they both admire what I do and see it working, they would have me abandon it to “catch kids being good” and start trips to the prize box. It makes me sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

———–

The concept that is so simple and yet so significant: PUT PEOPLE AHEAD OF THE IDEAS to which you are committed.

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Posted In: Increasing Effectiveness On: August 31, 2008: 2:01 pm: By Marvin Marshall

While strolling and listening to the following story, I requested the storyteller send it to me so that I could share it using her own words. For obvious reasons, the author of the letter requested anonymity.

—-

After six years of using the Raise Responsibility System in our home, we had an amazing incident with our fifteen-and a-half-year-old son.

We live on a very large piece of property and my husband was preparing our son for driving by allowing him to drive the firewood truck from one area to another under his guidance and supervision. He would also allow him to move our vehicles around in the driveway. The expectation was always the same. This was a privilege and only possible when my husband was in the vehicle. One day while we were at work, my son decided to drive the car up and down the driveway. Of course, the neighbors reported this to us the moment we arrived home. We were very disappointed. My husband grounded him for two weeks.

My son came to me and said, “I thought we didn’t handle things this way anymore? Being grounded has nothing to do with what I did and I won’t learn anything from it. I think that I shouldn’t be allowed to get my learners permit on my birthday. I should have to wait an extra month. I was not responsible about driving and the consequence should be related to that.”

I told him that this was between him and his dad and that he would have to discuss it with him.

They both agreed that this was a more acceptable solution. His birthday was five months away. When his birthday arrived, he did not mention his learner’s permit. One month later he announced that it was time to go to the licensing office.

The best part of this story is that he assumed full responsibility for his behavior. We did not have to suffer through two weeks of grounding and he never drove the car again unattended.

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Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: August 30, 2008: 3:02 pm: By Marvin Marshall

Everett McKinley Dirksen (1896 - 1969) was a U.S. Congressman and Senator from Illinois. As a Senate leader he played a highly visible role in the politics of the 1960s. He helped write the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and played the decisive role in its passage. The Dirksen Senate Office Building was named after him.

One of my favorite quotes is attributed to Everett Dirksen, viz., “I am a man of principle and my first principle is the ability to change my mind.”

So it is with me when I decided to emphasize “discipline” in my newsletters. A few comments influenced me to return to my original emphasis on “responsibility”:

1) Harry Wong, who reminded me that my mission is to promote responsibility.

2) Steve Sroka, who said to me, “Responsibility connotes action from INSIDE, and discipline usually connotes someone else’s action to someone else—from the OUTSIDE .”

3) Kerry Weisner’s approach that NEVER refers to “DISCIPLINE.” Rather, she thinks of the hierarchy of the RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM (Part III of the Discipline Without Stress Teaching Model) as an OPPORTUNITY for young people to have a reference or rubric for making decisions in life

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Posted In: Promoting Responsibility On: August 29, 2008: 3:24 pm: By Marvin Marshall

Most of the extrinsic school rewards are of little motivational value to students who fail or fall behind.

Once children have a year or two of struggle in primary grades, once they feel and know for themselves that they are “behind,” they resign themselves to lower status and acquire a defeatist attitude.

The stickers, teacher approval, honor roll, family (and extended family) encouragement become less frequent, less meaningful, less sincere, and less valued. Even peer approval and acceptance begins to wane. Meanwhile, learning becomes more of an effort with fewer rewards and more discouragement, more negativism, more privileges withheld, and more on the punishment end of the reward-punishment continuum.

–Bill Page, “At-Risk Students: Feeling Their Pain,
Understanding Their Plight, Accepting Their Defensive Ploys”
pp. 49-50, Copyright 2006. http://www.teacherteacher.com.

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Posted In: Promoting Learning On: August 28, 2008: 7:51 pm: By Marvin Marshall