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About the Book,

"DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS, PUNISHMENTS OR REWARDS
How Teachers and parents Promote Responsibility & Learning"
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"This book should be required reading for student as well as credentialed teachers."

Dr. Don Brann, Superintendent
Wiseburn School District, Hawthorne, CA
Co-Founder, California Small School Districts Association

A descriptive table of contents, three selected sections, and additional items of interest are posted at Sample Chapters.

Kerry continues her post:

Teachers DO make a difference. THE TRICK IS TO BECOME MORE CONSCIOUS OF THE THINGS WE SAY AND DO IN EACH NEW MOMENT BECAUSE WE NEVER TRULY KNOW WHICH OF OUR "SEEDS" ARE TAKING ROOT.

Several times now I have had the privilege of teaching some of the children of the children I taught myself as a beginning teacher. This has been a wonderful "lesson" for me in terms of letting go of worry and simply concentrating o the moment at hand.

As it turns out, these particular parents who have returned to me now were children that caused me endless worry twenty years ago—ones that I felt I just couldn't help, ones that I felt were destined to future failure. Well, guess what? They turned out just fine. In fact, better than that, they grew up very successfully and happily and have raised wonderful delightful children themselves! IT WAS A HARVEST I NEVER WOULD HAVE PREDICTED ALL THOSE YEARS AGO.

So, what is most important with those children who do not appear to "respond" Raise Responsibility Systeim? Marv discusses the paradox of becoming a more effective teacher by giving up the need to CONTROL students. In other words, hand over to the students the responsibility of LEARNING TO CONTROL THEMSELVES. This is important for every child but especially important for those children who appear "not to respond."

Marv's advice is to keep in mind the three principles of the Discipline Without Stress Teaching Model: BEING POSITIVE with students, EMPOWERING THEM WITH CHOICE, and PROMPTING THEM TO REFLECT. He says that it is critical that they not FEEL the teacher is trying to manipulate or coerce them in any way.

The most effective teacher gets across the message that behaviour is a choice and all choices naturally have consequences. Some are positive, some are negative, and some are neutral. Since behaviour is a CHOICE people are free to choose responses to much of what happens to them. If you can get a child to start contemplating these ideas, then you have planted some very valuable "seeds." You can empower them with the realization that life is a never-ending series of decisions and help them to notice that it feels pretty good to be able to look after yourself BY CONSCIOUSLY TAKING CHARGE OF THE PROCESS.

For me, the key is to use the Hierarchy of Social Development ALL the time so that it isn't associated in the minds of kids only with discipline problems. It is my experience that then the students become more open to using the understandings of the  Hierarchy of Social Development to help themselves make better choices. The more I discuss the hierarchy in a variety of situations, the more it seems to becomes a natural tool that the children begin to use independently. They start to evaluate their own choices, actions, and behaviours on an everyday basis.

If you're not sure what I mean by using the hierarchy all the time, you might want to read about how my teaching partner and I use the hierarchy to encourage our Grade One children to become better readers. Here's the link:
A Letter Worth Reading.

As Marv stresses, one of the main principles of this approach is to ask questions that will promote serious reflection. Those children who have out-of-the-ordinary behaviour issues are the ones who especially benefit from these questions. You can't force children to change their behaviour, but as the teacher, you can ask questions that will challenge them to think about where their own behaviour is leading them—somewhere they really want to go or not.

Learning to ask more effective questions is the main way in which I feel I can improve my skills and thus become a better teacher. The child's INNER RESPONSE TO THESE QUESTIONS IS WHAT WILL MOTIVATE THE OUTER CHANGE. The better the questions, the more likely the child will respond.

Kerry in BC

The Raise Responsibility System is not a magic strategy and you won’t necessarily see dramatic improvements occurring overnight in the more challenging children, but I do believe there is always a “response” inside the child. It’s just that we don’t always see that response.

Kerry continued by sharing several passages from a particular chapter in the book, “Gentle Roads to Survival” by Andre Auw. The chapter most encouraging is Chapter Six entitled, “Seed-Planting and Harvesting.” The main idea is about the importance of maintaining a “seed-planting mindset” in any work with people, as opposed to always being on the lookout for “the harvest.” Although this book is not about teaching, the thoughts expressed can be applied very well to teaching the Raise Responsibility System.

Kerry continues:
I personally find this chapter very helpful and re-read it on a regular basis. It always encourages me to keep going in the direction of promoting internal motivation with even the most challenging of students. It gives me faith that by doing so, I will be able to make some difference in their lives in the long run.

As a teacher, I am learning to wait more patiently and with more certainty—knowing that any exposure to the  Raise Responsibility System is a step in the right direction. Just because I don’t always see immediate results doesn’t mean that there isn’t something happening “under the ground.” It’s just that it takes time for seeds to take root and then sprout.

Learning to be a more effective “seed-planter” is where I try to focus my energy. I’m attempting to consciously let go of any expectations of what the “harvest” should look like and when it should happen. As teachers, working with any particular child for a span only of ten months, it’s quite likely we may never “reap the harvest” ourselves with certain individuals. Rather than be discouraged by this, I try to remind myself that I do have some control over ensuring a “good harvest.” I can plant and nurture some “seeds” in the present.

Having now taught for more than 25 years, I am beginning to see some of the harvest that I never expected to see. I am starting to have some of my former students, now adults, return to visit me. They often mention special memories of our year together or tell me about something that I did with them that affected their lives. The amazing thing to me is that I usually don’t remember what they are talking about.

Although I am thrilled to have had an impact of some kind on their lives, I’m always startled that it came about as a result of something very minor to me–something so minor that I can’t recall it at all! That tells me that even
though I wasn’t conscious of it at the time, I was indeed “planting seeds.” This has done a lot to encourage me not to give up on some of the more difficult children with whom I currently work. (to be continued)

The Raise Responsibility System will work with anyone who has achieved enough cognitive development to reason. Asking a student for assistance because you need that person’s help, or asking, “What would an extraordinary person do in this situation?” or employing any of the other techniques described in the book prompt changes in behavior for those who are behavioral challenges.

QUESTION:
There will always be the one student (or more) who will not respond to the Raise Responsibility System . Is there something different that should be done to encourage that student to understand the system? Will time and persistence take care of the problem?

KERRY RESPONDED:
I think that the answer to this question you have asked is very much tied to expectations about what it means to have a child “respond” to the Raise Responsibility System . I notice that sometimes when people say they are having difficulty in getting certain kids “to respond,” what they mean is that they are frustrated that a number of kids DON’T IMMEDIATELY BECOME OBEDIENT after being exposed to the system’s  Hierarchy of Social Development.

It’s important to keep in mind that aiming toward obedience is often counterproductive because too many young people today resist authority. The system promotes responsibility but also RESULTS in obedience because the STUDENT voluntarily makes the choice. (to be continued)