Dr. Marvin Marshall on Education and Parenting

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Gladstone, Disraeli, and William James

There’s an old story of a young lady who was taken to dinner one evening by William Gladstone and then the following evening by Benjamin Disraeli, both eminent British statesmen in the late nineteenth century.

“When I left the dining room after sitting next to Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England,” she said. “But after sitting next to Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest woman in England.”

Disraeli obviously had a knack for making the other person the center of his universe, if only for the evening. If you practice attentiveness to others, you’ll find it does wonders. They will enjoy it, and so will you. You will accomplish much more.

Make a conscious effort to focus on others—their opinions, experiences, and stories—before you share your own. Then train yourself to focus on what unites you, rather than on what separates you.

William James, the father of psychology said, “The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.” If you focus on others in terms of uniting, which means focusing with positive perceptions, your canvasses will provide satisfaction for both the artist and the viewer—you and the other person.

Awareness of the Three Practices

When a person subscribes to my monthly newsletter, "Promoting Responsibility & Learning" at  MarvinMarshall.com, the automated system prompts an inquiry as to how the person found out about it . Responses ranges from parents seeking ways to reduce their stress and promote responsible behavior to the following:

"I am an online student that does research from the net and just came across your site. I found it to be very enlightening and have decided to use it for personal  development."

I responded:

Thanks for taking the time to respond.

You are very perceptive. When you use the approaches, you are engaging in a paradigm shift. To quote Stephen Covey (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, 1989, p. 125), "A paradigm is like a new pair of glasses; it affects the way you see everything in your life."

Being positive with oneself and others, being aware that we ALWAYS have a choice in our responses, and using reflection to actuate behavioral change is, for most of us, a paradigm shift. Practicing these three noncoercive principles promotes responsibility, increases our effectiveness, improves our relationships, and reduces stress.

In a way it is, as Covey says, like being fitted for and wearing new glasses. It takes a little getting used to, but the brain adapts by making new neural connections. The more we practice, the stronger the reinforcement, the more glial cells our brain manufactures, and the easier and more creative we are in the use of the principles.

So as not to fall back on previous habits and approaches, it is necessary always to be AWARE of our choices. This is what is meant in the expression, "Live in the present." You can do this very simply by saying to yourself before any action, "I am choosing to . . . ."

Teaching young people—and yourself—to start with this internal dialog, "I am choosing to . . . , " is perhaps the most effective way to live a more fulfilling life. The reason is that awareness is the first step toward being in control and changing unsuccessful habits.

Responsibility is Mutual

There is at the heart of the concept of responsibility the beautiful idea that it is about response (RESPONS-ability)—which means it always has to do with relationships.

Responsibility is inherently mutual. Jean-Jacque Rousseau stated it well when he proclaimed that there is no meaning of responsibility that does not carry mutuality.

So often we treat and confuse responsibility with obedience—as if responsibility can be imposed. There is a failure in the structure of imposition because it lacks mutuality. Although we think we give responsibility, responsibility must be TAKEN if it is to be implemented—hence its mutuality.

Responsibility has a counterpart: accountability. One reason that people resist imposed accountability is that the people at the top tell others what they are accountable for but not what they, themselves, are accountable for.

If you expect someone to be responsible and therefore accountable for OPTIMAL performance, then influence him or her to WANT to be so. An easy way to do this is to tell the person in what ways YOU will be accountable.

If you are a leader, simply explain in what ways the other person can count on you (safety, staying abreast of company policies, working environment—to name just a few). If you are a school principal, inform the staff in what ways the faculty can count on you (mutual respect, professional recognition, cooperative evaluations, etc.). If you are a teacher, inform students in what ways they can count on you (providing a classroom where students will WANT to spend their time, planning on your part to present meaningful and important lessons, engaging activities, etc). If you are a parent, the same applies (providing food, shelter, a loving relationship, someone to trust to protect their well-being, etc.)

To put the concept in easy-to-remember terms, collaboration is more effective than domination.

Discipline Article

Perhaps the most respected, influential, and most cited journal in the field of education is the PHI DELTA KAPPAN. The publisher, Phi Delta Kappa International (PDK), is an international association whose mission is to promote high quality education, in particular publicly supported education, as essential to the development and maintenance of a democratic way of life. This mission is accomplished through leadership, research, and service in education.

PDK has established a new category of membership designed to serve non-educators—parents and others interested in education. Subscription to the PHI DELTA KAPPAN is included in the membership.

If you are interested in keeping informed of educational practices, theories, and controversies, you are invited to join Phi Delta Kappa International. For information, contact Phi Delta Kappa International.

"USING A DISCIPLINE SYSTEM TO PROMOTE LEARNING" was s featured cover article in their March, 2004 edition. The article is co-authored by Marv Marshall and Kerry Weisner and can be downloaded in its original format  at http://www.marvinmarshall.com/pdf/Phi_Delta_Kappan.pdf.

The Discipline Book Comment

"DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS, PUNISHMENTS OR REWARDS
How Teachers and parents Promote Responsibility & Learning"
==========================================================

"The practical and useful strategies presented in this book make it a must for teachers—beginning as well as veteran. The chapter on teaching will improve every teacher's skill. The suggestions for reducing anonymity are on the mark, especially for our large high schools. Several suggestions implement the recommendations of the National Association of Secondary School Principals report, 'Breaking Ranks: Changing an American Institution.'"

—Anthony Avina, Ed.D., Superintendent
Whittier Union High School District, Whittier, CA

A descriptive table of contents, three selected sections, and additional items of interest are posted at the book.

Discipline District-Wide

On this day, February 12, a few years after speaking to a school district in New Jersey, I asked the school principal (who convinced the district to have me present) how she originally found out about Discipline Without Stress. She told me that she heard me at a conference of the National Association of Elementary School Principals (NAESP) and had asked someone who was assisting with handouts about his reaction to the program. The Arizona principal told her, “Those teachers who implement the system are sad when school ends; those who do not are glad when school is over.”

The New Jersey principal has been implementing the system for the past number of years and has convinced the entire district to implement Discipline Without Stress.

Discipline System: Easy or Simple?

QUESTION:

The Raise Responsibility System discipline approach is referred to as simple-to-implement. I find that I continually have to be aware of being positive, offering choices, and asking reflective-type questions. I wonder if others find using these three practices and implementation of the system “simple.”

RESPONSE:

SIMPLE does not mean EASY (at first). It is simple in that ONLY THREE principles—not a dozen or so—need to be practiced. In addition, the Raise Responsibility System has only three parts; TEACHING the concepts, ASKING reflective questions, and ELICITING a procedure to redirect impulses.

Learning how to drive an automobile is SIMPLE, but it only becomes EASY after you have driven for awhile.

Deciding ahead of time not to eat dessert at a banquet may be SIMPLE. But when the plates from the main course are removed and the cheesecake is placed in front of you, your original decision may not be so EASY to implement.

When I first decided to run in the mornings—rather than in the evenings—I found the decision quite SIMPLE. I set the alarm for an early morning rise. As I had expected, the alarm rang early the next morning and I heard my self-talk: “Getting up this early is crazy.” I went back to sleep. At the time, I was a high school assistant principal with a student body of 3,200. Since I was in charge of all student discipline as well as all co-curricular activities, I would arrive home at various late hours. Knowing that if I were to continue running regularly, the running would have to be done in the mornings, so that evening I again set my alarm for an early morning rise. I awoke and ran. That was years ago. I have never returned to running in the evenings. My original decision was SIMPLE. Getting up earlier than I was accustomed to was not EASY. Still today, I would not have it any other way.

At the end of a presentation of the Raise Responsibility System to a school or district, people leave with three simple practices to implement and a simple system to use. The implementation is up to them. I never say it is EASY. But I do emphasize that the more they practice the principles and implement the system, the easier it becomes, the more responsibility they will promote, the more effective they will be, the more improved their relationships will become, and the less stress they will feel. And, they WILL see success from the beginning.

However, there must be conscious awareness in implementing the approaches (3 principles to practice and the 3 parts of the Raise Responsibility System). They ARE SIMPLE; but it’s just not EASY to change approaches (read habits) and always be alert to our options.

We don’t teach the Ten Commandments and then expect people to implement them all their lives. The Commandments need to be regularly revisited.

We don’t practice a set of procedures one time and then expect them to be set in place to run themselves. We’re dealing with humans—not machines—and therefore constant awareness and practice are necessary. As we (or others) practice, new neural connections are made and implementation does become easier AND simpler.

People who reflect, evaluate, and are conscious of their practices are engaging in one of life’s greatest joys—striving for improvement and reaping the satisfactions that result.

Discipline: Traditional or Progresssive

QUESTION:

After a presentation in Bermuda, the question was asked whether I am a traditionalist or a progressive.

RESPONSE:

Interesting question! I had never been asked this before.

My guiding mission is to foster responsibility. This is the foundational characteristic of those values and practices necessary for a civil, enlightened, and democratic society. Therefore, if you desire to label me, you would call me a traditionalist. But then consider the following.

W. Edwards Deming was the American who brought quality to manufacturing while simultaneously reducing costs. The most prestigious manufacturing award given in Japan is the Deming Award. Yet, Dr. Deming used a nontraditional approach—collaboration, rather than domination.

In this regard, traditional approaches for promoting responsibility are not successful enough with far too many young people today. Society has changed, but we are still using former approaches that worked with former generations and expect them to work with the current generation.

A tongue-in-cheek example of how society has changed is illustrated by the youngster sitting in the back of the car with his knapsack packed while his mother says to her neighbor, “He’s running away from home but expects me to drive him.”

Every time I present to primary school teachers, someone comes up to me sharing the frustration about the increasing numbers of youngsters entering kindergarten with very little self-control and lower levels of social interaction skills.

Try to use coercive approaches with these young people—really any person today regardless of age—and in return you will receive reluctance, resistance, and sometimes even rebellion.

Using traditional COERCIVE approaches with today’s youth to promote responsibility and traditional values is simply not nearly so effective as using NONCOERCIVE and COLLABORATIVE approaches. Is this being progressive?

The label is your choice.

Living with a Loser

If you work to make your spouse lose so you can win, then you need to ask yourself a question: Do you really want to live with a loser?
—W. Edwards Deming

Positivity and the amygdala

The amygdala (Greek for almond) is composed of two almond-shaped emotional storage areas above the brain stem. It developed before the thinking part of the brain developed and prompts immediate reaction—the so-called “fight, freeze, or flight” syndrome. As the amygdala does not differentiate between physical or psychological threat, so the mind often does not differentiate between fantasy and reality. You can tell yourself almost anything you want and you can believe it. Consequently, what you think has an effect upon how you feel.

Other people can sense your feelings and your mood. They can even sense your feelings over the phone. Whether you have a negative or a positive feeling while you are talking, the other person can notice it.

We detect emotions without a word being said. Think of a time when you entered a room just after the people already in the room have had an argument. You didn’t hear the argument, but you sensed it. What was the first thing you wanted to do? The question became one—not of leaving—but of how fast you could.

Whenever I want someone else to think/feel positive thoughts, I must experience positivity first—with the knowledge that it becomes communicated before my saying a word.