A photographer was taking the graduation picture in a large middle school. The girls positioned themselves in the front rows as directed—with the boys in the rear rows.

To ensure that the boys acted on their best behavior, one of the teachers approached a group of boys who were just standing there and said, “Now boys, don’t push the girls down the risers.”

The boys hadn’t even thought of it!

Remember that the brain thinks in visuals, in pictures—not in text or words. With this in mind, with what message were the boys left?

The next time you don’t want someone to do something, consider whether your message will tempt in a way which is counterproductive. The easiest way to remember this is to always state what you want, not what you do not want, such as, “Boys, thanks for acting on your best behavior during the picture taking.”

Discipline, truancy, and school dropouts are an increasing problem for schools and school districts. When I gave a keynote in Baltimore to personnel involved in this arena, I opened with a story from an experience Dr. William Glasser once told me he had encountered while working with incarcerated girls.

INCIDENT: It was the girl’s first day at the youth facility. She was called for breakfast.

The teenager would not make her bed. It was a rule that beds were to be made before breakfast. The housemother reminded the girl of the rule. The girl called the adult every name in the book and refused to make her bed.

QUESTION: At this presentation, I asked the 300 counselors, psychologists, social workers, truant officers, administrators, police officers, and others in attendance how any of them would have handled the situation.

No suggestions were forthcoming.

HOW THE SITUATION WAS RESOLVED:
Here is what the housemother did using a NONCOERCIVE approach.

She gathered her charges around her and said, “You know what is going on here. Who is going to volunteer to go to her bedroom and help her out?”

One of the girls volunteered.

When the volunteer reached the new girl, the volunteer said, “We know what you are trying to do here. Every one of us was just like you when we first arrived.”

The volunteer continued, “Making the bad is no big deal. I’ll do it, and then we can go to breakfast. The other girls want to meet you.”

What do you think the new girl did when she saw her bed being made by another girl?

Correct! The new girl helped the volunteer make her bed, and they went to breakfast together.

MORAL: Before deciding on a solution to a challenge of promoting responsibility, ask yourself if your approach will be interpreted as authoritarian. Expect resistance if you do.

Using a little creativity to employ a noncoercive approach will reduce stress and increase your chances of achieving your objective.

Manufacturing—building tangibles—has led and fed the economies in the 19th and 20th centuries.

There were a few originators, but most people were followers. Obedience, implementation of rules, and top-down management were the orders of the day.

What drives our 21st century? The creation and distribution of information. Rather than compliance, initiative is required.

People rarely will work for one company all their lives. Increasingly, many people are now working as independent contractors instead of working for others. The number of individual entrepreneurs is continually growing.

People in their twenties are planning their retirements forty years in advance because they no longer believe that traditional retirements will suffice in their older years. The society of the 21st century requires initiative—not merely following someone else's plans for retirement.

Society is involved in complex social relationships, both personal and professional. Work and social interactions are increasingly collaborative. Authoritarian approaches no longer work. The bride's reciting the traditional matrimonial ritual of promising to obey the husband is rarely heard. Compliance is out; collaboration is in. And this requires new ways of dealing with others.

The overriding characteristic of the 19th and 20th centuries revolved around who made the decision. Similarly, the overriding characteristic of the 21st century revolves around who makes the decision. A prime difference is that the THE DECISION-MAKER HAS CHANGED.

Too many schools and parents are still using an obedience model – Level C of the Hierarchy of Social Development.

Society has moved to Level D and we as teachers, leaders, and parents have a responsibility to prepare the younger generation for the society in which they are now residing.