QUESTION:

I am a psychologist who wholeheartedly supports your approach and philosophy. I am also part of a local community visioning process. Our juvenile justice system is working to introduce a “Balanced and Restorative Justice” initiative, which is a wonderful concept that aligns beautifully with your system. However, they have been approached by another project. Not surprisingly, many of those involved (probation officers, etc.) want to implement this other program as soon as possible.

However, as I reviewed its manual, I found that at its core it is about controlling kids through a one-size-fits-all “consequence” (taking away everything they want) and trying to censor and control everything the kids hear, see, wear, and do—simply another behavior-mod program.

Do you have, or do you know of any programs that focus on adolescents that are acting out in destructive/violent ways, “out-of-control” kids, that embrace a philosophy similar to yours? It would be especially helpful if they included a strong facilitator training and/or if they have been implemented in conjunction with juvenile justice systems in some way. I would be so grateful for any input you may have.

RESPONSE:

I know of no other program that is proactive, creates a DESIRE for change, and places total responsibility on the other person—rather than on the supervisor.

There are a few underlying, fundamental truths to my approach.

1. A person can be controlled—but only temporarily, and no one can control how another person thinks or WANTS to behave.

2. Although you can influence people, you cannot change them. People change themselves.

3. The least effective approach to influence a person is by using coercion.

4. Obedience does not create desire.

5. Two requirements are necessary for long-term change: (a) acknowledgment that a change is necessary and (b) ownership. Any IMPOSED punishment lacks the second requirement. This does not mean that expectations, standards, rules, and responsibilities are not necessary. Obviously, they are—but imposing the same punishment for all (one size fits all) (a) is not fair, (b) affects different people in different ways, and (c) is counterproductive to the objective of promoting long-term responsible behavior.

6. Cognition and emotions cannot be separated. One affects the other. Anything imposed—especially if it is related to punishment—puts the receiver in a victimhood mode and prompts ill feelings toward the enforcer. Good relationships are essential to prompt positive change. People do good when they feel good. One does not ordinarily do good when feeling bad. This is a prime reason that traditional, coercive approaches are not successful and the recidivism rate is so high.

Check into what the juvenile justice system is doing in Missouri. They are more aligned with my approach and are meeting with much greater success and at half the cost than other states.

The key to changing behavior is to project high expectations and then empower—rather than overpower. These young people need structure. They have rebelled against authority all their lives. The program being considered may work, as punishments may work, in the short term. However, these external and imposed approaches are not nearly so effective as internal and elicited approaches that CHANGE DESIRE so people WANT to be socially and individually responsible.

The opening paragraph of my book deals with mindsets. It sets the stage for the entire book because my purpose is to influence young people to have mindsets where they WANT to be responsible and WANT to learn. The objective is to create visual images that drive behaviors.

The following exercise (shared with me by Jack Canfield, coauthor with Mark Victor Hansen of “The Aladdin Factor” and the “Chicken Soup” series) gives students an experience of the power of imagery for both behavior and learning.

Students will need room for the exercise.

Divide the class in two groups, A and B. Say the following to group A:
I want you to close your eyes and imagine in your mind a seagull floating gracefully in the air. See it gently, easily, effortlessly gliding through the air. When you have the picture of a seagull vividly in your mind, nod your head. Now with your eyes a quarter of the way open so that you can see the floor in front of you and have a sense of where your neighbors are, move like a seagull—keeping the image of the seagull vividly in your mind. Continue that while I go over to the other group.

Say the following to group B:
Close your eyes and imagine a jackhammer. See it moving rapidly up and down in short, jerky, staccato movements. When you have that picture of a jackhammer vividly in your mind, nod your head. Now with your eyes a quarter of the way open so that you can see the floor in front of you and have a sense of where your neighbors are, move like a jackhammer—keeping the image of the jackhammer vividly in your mind. Continue that while I go over to the other group.

Turn back to group A and continue:
Once again, close your eyes and imagine that effortless, graceful seagull floating on an air current, barely moving its wings. When you have that picture vividly in your mind, nod your head. Now keeping that image of the seagull vividly in your mind, open your eyes a quarter of the way and move like a jackhammer.

Most students will have a great deal of difficulty moving like jackhammers while thinking of a seagull. Their movements will be somewhere in between jerky and graceful, or they will be frozen and unable to move at all.

Turn to group B and say:
Close your eyes again, and imagine that jerky  jackhammer bouncing up and down on the pavement. When you have that picture vividly in your mind, nod your head. Now while keeping the image of the jackhammer vividly in your mind, open your eyes a quarter of the way and move gracefully like a seagull.

Again, students will have a tough time making their bodies move counter to the image they are holding in their heads.

This is a very dramatic exercise—one that easily and quickly makes the point that our bodies cannot do anything counter to the images we hold in our minds.

Have the students share anything they noticed about their bodies the second time when they were holding an image counter to how they were trying to move. If any student claims that it was easy to move the second time, ask if both images were equally visualized. Most will admit that they had to let go of one image in order to move like the other image.

Ask them if a friend has ever asked them to do something unusual, and they responded, “I couldn’t do that; it’s not me.” The reason we say that is because we look inside our minds and see if what our friend has asked us to do fits our perception of ourselves. If it doesn’t fit, we don’t think we can do it; so we don’t even attempt it.

Emphasize the following point: The body literally cannot move contrary to a vividly held image. Therefore, in order to change a habit or behavior, we must change our perception to include the new habit or behavior. Otherwise, any changes we make will be difficult and short-lived.