Dr. Marvin Marshall on Education and Parenting

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Handling Disruptions

June 15, 2009 By Leave a Comment

If someone interrupts you while you are working on something and have that mental momentum where you are in a state of flow, take just a moment to write down some key words that later will bring you back to your thought.

If the interruption is at a lower priority than what you are engaged in, here is how to diplomatically deflect the interruption without hurting the other person’s feelings. It is a four-step process.

Start with “I WANT TO . . . .” (1st part)
I want to talk with you about it.

“AND I NEED TO . . . . ” ( 2nd part)
And I need to finish this before I do anything else.

Ask a question. (3rd part)
“Can we talk in just a few minutes?”

Acknowledge their understanding. (4th part)
“Thanks. I really appreciate your understanding.”

Notice that NOWHERE have I said “I can’t talk to you now,” or “You will have to come back,” or “I am right in the middle of something and you will have to wait.”

I am not rejecting the person. Instead, I’m acknowledging the person but letting the person know that I have a need also and that we can handle the situation through mutual understanding.

Filed Under: Relationships

Motivation and Feelings

June 9, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Admired people have others feel important. When you interact with someone—whether for 30 seconds or for 30 minutes—the test is, “When the person walks away, does that person feel better or worse?”

If you see the person walking away feeling down or depressed, walk after the person and ask, “How about trying that again so that you feel better than when we started the conversation?”

The conclusion is inescapable. When we work with others who prompt positive feelings, our spirits are raised—and so is our motivation.

Filed Under: Effectiveness

Put the Person in Charge

June 4, 2009 By Leave a Comment

A mother of a young boy shared with me her frustration. One of her sons was constantly getting up from the table during dinner, thereby disrupting the environment she wanted to maintain during meal time.

I suggested that she think of the EXACT OPPOSITE of what her son was doing. I then suggested that she put her son in charge of that responsibility.

The conversation would go something like this:
“Jay, I need your help. I want you to be in charge of having all members of the family remain seated during dinner.”

——–

Here, then, is the two-step process:

(1) Put the person in charge of the opposite of what the person is doing. (2) Articulate what you want (I need your help, assistance, leadership, etc.), and then put the person in charge of it.

People like to be in charge. When in charge, the person performs the appropriate behavior because incongruity (doing the opposite of what the person is in charge of) is very difficult for young people.

Following are some additional examples that work every time.

A primary student does not complete assigned table work.
“I need your help. I would like you to be in charge of noticing who at your table completes the assigned work. Let me know at the end of the day who was successful.”
(Notice that the phrasing is in the positive; it’s not about who doesn’t complete the work.)

The middle school class procedure was to clean and organize desks before dismissal on Fridays. One student continually dumped stuff on the desk and took an excessive amount of time to clean and organize the materials.
“I need your help. I would like you to be in charge of the desks by going around and keeping track of whose desk is clean and orderly.”
(The student didn’t wait until Friday. He started checking on Thursday.)

The high school student continued to came to school tardy.
“I need your help. I would like you to make sure everyone is seated on time when the bell rings.”
(The student not only started to come to class on time but also improved his appearance and school attire.)

This approach to changing behavior immediately is foolproof.
If it doesn’t work, reflect: Did you think of the exact opposite? Did you use the exact wording of putting the person in charge and phrasing the responsibility in positive terms?

Filed Under: Responsibility

Search Inside the Book

June 2, 2009 By Leave a Comment

You can view parts of "DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS® PUNISHMENTS or REWARDS: HOW TEACHERS and parentS PROMOTE RESPONSIBILITY and LEARNING" online at Amazon's "Search Inside."

Here is how to do it. On Amazon's home page, in the SEARCH box on the left side, ENTER: Marvin Marshall. Then click on "Go."

When the book appears, click on the book cover or the title. When the book is in view, click on "LOOK INSIDE."

You can navigate these pages by using the left or right ARROWS in the MIDDLE of each page—or by using the "Previous Page" or "Next Page" links on the top and bottom of the pages.

Notice the number of five (5) star reviews.

Filed Under: Discipline